


'Til Death Do Us Part

by Lothiriel84



Category: The Monster Hunters (Podcast)
Genre: Background Relationships, Fluff and Crack, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Multi, Post-Season/Series 03, Season/Series 03 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 19:20:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18394733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lothiriel84/pseuds/Lothiriel84
Summary: Hell is emptyAnd all the devils are here.





	'Til Death Do Us Part

**Author's Note:**

> Unashamed crack fic, read at your own peril. Spoilers up to series 3 finale.

“You! What are _you_ doing here?”

“Good day to you, Roy Steel. Care to let me in?”

“But how – you – we staked you!”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yes we did! I mean, technically it was Martine holding the stake, but –”

“Exactly.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

“I’m here for the wedding, of course. I thought that would be obvious.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“But I am. Lorrimer Chesterfield needs a best man, and who better –”

“I’m the best man!”

“You?” Count Orloff laughs out loud, at some length, and that’s when Lorrimer decides he’s had more than enough.

“You two – stop lurking in my doorway. Roy, go and change your cravat, I’m not having you wear that monstrosity on my wedding day. As for you,” he eyes Count Orloff with an oddly familiar mixture of irritation and resignation. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t receive an invitation, did you?”

“When have I ever needed one?”

“Well, do excuse me, but I’m not in the mood for dealing with an undead creature who somehow managed to un-stake himself just in time to ruin my plans.”

“Quite the opposite, as a matter of fact. We’re here to help you celebrate your big day – make it one to remember, for you and your lovely bride.”

“What do you mean by _we_?”

“Never mind. Where do you keep those black puddings of yours? I’m starving.”

“Oh, for the love of –”

Suki shoots them one of her death glares as they pass her by on their way to the kitchen. Lorrimer shrugs his shoulders in defeat, then pockets an extra stake, just in case.

 

 

“Sir Princely! I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Ah, Sir Maxwell, lovely to see you. We were granted an extra special permission for the occasion – from the Big Guy Downstairs himself, you see.”

“Aha.”

“That secretary of yours, she’s really impressive.”

“Well, I only employ the best.”

“Good for you. Now, waiter, if you could bring me another jug of gravy, that would be fantastic.”

 

 

“I specifically asked the owner of this venue to take down all mirrors prior to our arrival. Who put that – that _thing_ on the wall right behind our table?”

“Well, at least this one is not inhabited by anything,” Lauren pipes in helpfully, even as little Stewart climbs into her lap. “It’s just a plain ordinary ugly mirror.”

“What are you looking at me like that for?” Roy cuts in immediately, only for Suki to put a firm hand on his shoulder, so he snaps his mouth shut.

 

 

“But – Lorrimer –”

“You’re going to have a lovely sit down now, Roy, and a refreshing scotch. How about we make it a Steel Sunrise, hey? I’ll even draw the little sun on the glass for you.”

“But Martine – and Miss Asher – I can’t believe it.”

“You can’t believe they’re hunting monsters together?”

“I meant the other thing!”

“Roy Steel, this is the 1970s. I won’t let you judge other people on _that_ basis. Besides, I believe you and I –”

“Yes.”

“Suki says you’re welcome to join us tonight, by the way.”

“...does she?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“Now, how about you finish that drink of yours, then you take your – I mean, Stewart – out to see the ducks?”

 

 

“Oh, hello, my dear. Sorry, I had to go and do a little Roy-wrangling back there. What is it you’ve got here? Oh, I see. Well done, my love.”

“Suki! Why are you holding a dismembered mummified hand?”

“Don’t worry, Sir Maxwell, it’s all under control – Count Orloff, step back, you are most definitely not allowed to nibble at my guests.”

“Hmm, what a pity. That little old lady over there, she’s got such lovely veins.”

“That’s my mother you’re talking about, you filthy animal!”

“Now, we’re not going to get all personal, are we, Sir Maxwell?”

“Will you all please shut up?” Lorrimer snaps, feeling like he’s very nearly reached the end of his tether. Martine leans across the table to pour more champagne into his glass, and he looks at her gratefully before downing it in one gulp.

“Now, will you care for a dance, my dear?”

Suki nods without a word, takes his hand, and leads the way.


End file.
